Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So apparently I’m into choking now
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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