I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize