Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
