Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
