went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
