five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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