mondays should just be called national damage control day
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
MIDGETS
????
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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