What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
