remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
