I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
