i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
