I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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