Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
