you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
