Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize