Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
