if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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