Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
