a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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