My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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