How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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