the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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