Well douche your snatch and let's go!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
