I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
