um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There's a naked man in my car right now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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