me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
