I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
