I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
