I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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