Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
