That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
