i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
