I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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