im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Randomize
