We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
