idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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