my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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