this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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