Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
