We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
