I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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