the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
