just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
