I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize