i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think a kid would responsible me up
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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