high people should be assigned attendants
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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