just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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