Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
