I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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