it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My hand turned me down
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
