oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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