ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize