I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
