Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
