we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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