Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
