i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He better not be in your backpack
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
