I love black thongs
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
