I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
