wrigley field is MILF paradise
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
