Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
