He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
