my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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