The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
