I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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