Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
