i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
