What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
