i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
