I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
