im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
