It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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