So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
