Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
