two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
