Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize