I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
