I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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