not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
