New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
