So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so explain again why im purple
no
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
