The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
