I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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