So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
