that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
