when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
