One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
