she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
