wakey wakey hands off snakey
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize