Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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