so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
