Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
