So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
