she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize