I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
