Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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