Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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