He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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