she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
