i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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