My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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