I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
