i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize